Creation By Computer

author unknown

The ITS Connection Online Newsletter

In the beginning there was the computer. And God said,

C:\ Let there be light
> Enter user id

C:\ God
> Enter password

C:\ Omniscient
> Password incorrect. Try again

C:\ Omnipotent
> Password incorrect. Try again

C:\ Technocrat

- - AND GOD LOGGED ON AT 12:01:00 AM, SUNDAY, MARCH 1 - -

C:\ Let there be light
> unrecognized command. Try again

C:\ Create light
> done

C:\ Run heaven and earth
> AND GOD CREATED DAY AND NIGHT. AND GOD SAW THERE WERE 0 ERRORS

- - AND GOD LOGGED OFF AT 12:02:00 AM, SUNDAY, MARCH 1 - -
- - AND GOD LOGGED ON AT 12:01:00 AM, MONDAY, MARCH 2 - -

C:\ Let there be a firmament in the midst of water and light
> unrecognized command. Try again

C:\ Create firmament
> AND GOD DIVIDED THE WATERS. AND GOD SAW THERE WERE 0 ERRORS

C:\ Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place
and let the dry land appear
> Too many characters in specification string. Try again

C:\ Create dry land
> Done

C:\ Run Firmament
> AND GOD DIVIDED THE WATERS. AND GOD SAW THERE WERE 0 ERRORS - -

- - AND GOD LOGGED OFF AT 12:02:00 AM, MONDAY, MARCH 2 - -
- - AND GOD LOGGED ON AT 12:01:00 AM, TUESDAY, MARCH 3 - -

C:\ Let the waters under heaven be gathered together unto one place and
let the dry land appear
> Too many characters in specification string. Try again

C:\ Create dry land
> Done

C:\ Run firmament
> AND GOD DIVIDED THE WATERS. AND GOD SAW THERE WERE 0 ERRORS

- - AND GOD LOGGED OFF AT 12:02:00 AM, TUESDAY, MARCH 3 - -
- - AND GOD LOGGED ON AT 12:01:00 AM, WEDNESDAY, MARCH 4 - -

C:\ Create lights in the firmament to divide the day from the light
> unspecified type. Try again

C:\ Create sun, moon, stars
> Done

C:\ Run sun, moon, stars
> AND GOD CREATED THE SUN, MOON AND STARS. AND GOD SAW THERE WERE 0
ERRORS

- - AND GOD LOGGED OFF AT 12:02:00 AM WEDNESDAY, MARCH 4 - -
- - AND GOD LOGGED ON AT 12:01:00 AM THURSDAY, MARCH 5 - -

C:\ Create fish
> done

C:\ Create fowl
> done

C:\ Run fish, fowl
> AND GOD CREATED THE GREAT SEA MONSTERS AND EVERY LIVING CREATURE THAT
CREPT WHEREIN THE WATERS SWARMED AFTER ITS KIND AND EVERY WINGED FOWL
AFTER ITS KIND. AND GOD SAW THERE WERE 0 ERRORS

- - AND GOD LOGGED OFF AT 12:02:00 AM THURSDAY, MARCH 5 - -
- - AND GOD LOGGED ON AT 12:01:00 AM FRIDAY, MARCH 6

C:\ Create cattle
> done

C:\ Create creeping things
> done

C:\ Now let us make man in our image.
> unspecified type. Try again

C:\ Create man
> done

C:\ Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it and
have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the fowl of the air and
over every living thing that crept upon the earth
> too many command operands. Try again

C:\ Run multiplication
> execution terminated. 6 errors

C:\ Run breath
> breath loaded

C:\ Run multiplication
> execution terminated. 5 errors

C:\ Move man to Garden of Eden
> file Garden of Eden does not exist

C:\ Create Garden.edn
> done

C:\ Move man to Garden of Eden
> done

C:\ Run multiplication
> execution terminated. 4 errors

C:\ Extract woman from man
> done

C:\ Run multiplication
> execution terminated. 2 errors

C:\ Create desire
> done

C:\ Run freewill
> AND GOD SAW MAN AND WOMAN BEING FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLYING IN
GARDEN.EDN
> WARNING: No time limit on this process. 1 errors

C:\ Unload desire
> desire cannot be unloaded once freewill is created

C:\ Delete freewill
> freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed
> enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help

C:\ Help
> desire cannot be undone once freewill is created
> freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be deleted
> enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help

C:\ Create tree_of_knowledge
> AND GOD SAW MAN AND WOMAN BEING FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLYING IN
GARDEN.EDN
> WARNING: No time limit on this run. 1 errors

C:\ Create good, evil
> done

C:\ load evil
> AND GOD SAW HE HAD CREATED SHAME
> WARNING: system error in sector E95. Man and woman not in Garden.edn
1 errors

C:\ Scan Garden.edn for man, woman
> search failed

C:\ Delete shame
> shame cannot be deleted once evil has been activated

C:\ Unload freewill
> freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed
> enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help

C:\ Stop
> unrecognizable command. Try again

C:\ Break C:\ Break C:\ Break

*************************************************************************
* * ATTENTION ALL USERS!!! ATTENTION ALL USERS!!! SYSTEM GOING DOWN ON
* * REGULAR DAY OF MAINTENANCE AND REST IN FIVE MINUTES. PLEASE LOG OFF!!
*************************************************************************

C:\ Create new world
> you have exceeded your allocated file space. You must destroy old
files before new ones can be created

C:\ Delete earth
> Delete earth. Please confirm

C:\ Delete earth confirmed

*******************************************************************
!!! COMPUTER IS DOWN !!! SERVICE WILL RESUME SUNDAY, MARCH 8 AT
6:00 AM. YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW!!!
*******************************************************************

AND GOD LOGGED OFF AT 11:59:59 PM FRIDAY MARCH 6

April 2008

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